Abortion. Some say that there is a mentqal and spiritual change once a women gets the procedure done. I didn’t place any value on a zygote so how would I regret it later? For me it was okay to go ahead and take care of the matter at hand….It’s much easier said then done.
Three months ago I receive the “worst” news of my life. I found out that I was in fact pregnant. At that time I felt extremely confused and lost. What was I going to do? Right away I made the decision to get an abortion. There was no way I was going to consider keeping it. My boyfriend and I were at what seemed to be the end of our five and a half year relationship. We were two different people who were both unwilling to change ourselves for the better of us.
My head was racing with questions. How could this have happened? (well I know how it happened) Why did this happen to me? Does God not love me? If God is in control of everything and I struggle to serve him, why did he do this? Will God be mad at me for “terminating” this baby? What if he has a better plan for me? No! My family will look down on me. I have plans and a baby was not included. Abortion was 100% for me even though I didn’t feel right about it, not one bit.
I did some research online of women who have gotten abortions. 90% of these women were happy with their decisions and it made me more at ease about getting it done. I waited three weeks after receiving confirmation that I was pregnant to call Planned Parenthood and schedule an appointment for early termination. It was a friday morning and my scheduled appointment was thursday of that next week. I had six days to contemplate.
That night I was extremely bothered. I fell into a mild depression. I was so confused about everything. I fell to my knees and did what I should have done in the first place. I prayed to God, begging for an answer. I couldn’t kill this innocent baby, but I also wasn’t willing to give up my selfishness. My breast were sore, my stomach was bloated, I honestly felt like I was becoming a mother. I didn’t want to lose that, but I had no desire for this child. I asked God for the desire and will for this baby. I cried myself to sleep that night.
The weekend went by with no answer from above. I was just as stressed as I was on friday and now it was sunday with no resolution to my problem.
“I waited patiently for the LORD; and he inclined unto me, and heard my cry.” (Psalm 40:1)
I was patient, waiting for my answer fully convince that he would work on my behalf. That sunday night I started to feel calm. I stopped worrying about myself and placed my worries on God, trusting that he would deliver me from my problem.
“Cast your cares on the LORD and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous fall.”
Monday came and time was getting closer and closer to the date of my abortion. I knew in my heart that God would forgive me for what I was about to do. He is forgiving, all knowing and understanding. He knows the intent of my heart. I still had no desire for this child so I took that as a sign that it was okay to go through with the abortion.
On my way to work I decided to confide in my step dad who is a godly man. He is the only one I personally know who loves God as much as I do. He lives in righteousness and if there is anyone I can trust, it’s him. I talked to him about what I was going through. He understood and did not judge. His exact message was:
In the book of Jeremiah it says God knew before we were in the womb indicating life begins there. Justine you are standout when it comes to wisdom in your family. If you sincerely trust God He will show you the right thing to do. Even if the baby wasn’t a result of love, you will love it. God loves it.
There was my answer. It became so clear that God makes no mistakes. Whatever his plan is for me, this baby would be included.
“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”
I still had doubts, but there was no way I was going to fail God. I asked him for the desire and that’s exactly what I received. The desire to trust him and follow through with becoming a mother without the understanding.
Everything became much brighter. I was scared to tell my family but I had too if I was going to have a baby. The first person I told was my Niño B. He is my uncle but takes the physical role as my dad. He was very understanding and loves me no matter what. He was actually more excited than I was. I told my family members one by one. Each day I told two members. Surprisingly they all were supportive of my decision.
The next day being a tuesday, I cancelled my appointment. The Planned Parent Hood employee sounded so pleased that I cancelled. The tone of her voice was as if she just waited for the good news of patients changing their minds.
“Trust in the LORD with all your heart; and lean not upon your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct your path.” (Proverbs 3:5-6)
Recently, I was on You Tube researching about a babies process in the mother womb. A link to abortion popped up, so I decided to check it out. I witnessed the saddest, most horrific thing I have ever came across. I had no idea what the procedure of abortion really was. Was this what I was about to do? It was mind boggling that this was legal.
“And no creature is hidden from his sight, but all are naked and exposed to the eyes of him to whom we must give account.”
If your struggling with this same situation, please turn to God. Believer or non-believer give him a chance to show you his glory. Trust that he will make your path straight. “God does not help those who can help themselves but helps those who know they can’t help themselves” (Joyce Meyers)
“Jesus said to her, “Did I not tell you that if you believed you would see the glory of God?””